Again with the expectations

Date: Feb. 13, 12010
Mood: Mixed emotions
Music: Maybe this Time by Glee Cast


Valentines has come and gone. I am not expecting anything from him. I just wanted one thing only. The ring that started it all... I know he can't still afford it, but I am not asking for too much I just want a simple one but still it will be a symbol that he really asked my hand in marriage.

I keep on bringing it up to my friends but still stayed firm that I am not expecting anything this valentine's day. Then a friend said to me 2 days before vday.

"Just wait maybe it will come sooner or later."

So I thought maybe my friend is right maybe Luke is planning on something this vday and will give me the best gift a girl could ever wanted.

Come vday I was too busy preparing a candle light dinner for a friend and his date. I keep on thingking that maybe it will be really for me and Luke. But then I thought Luke will never use purple for my special evening. So erase the thought.

When the dinner was about to start he kept on asking if i will still go back to the room? Maybe just maybe he hid it there.

All those expectations and high hopes that my friend has given me vanished when the clock strikes at 1 am. it is officially Valentine's Day. When Luke called me to go to the room there is his surprise for me:

A chocolate filled bed that says I love you.
A long stem rose
A slide show of almost all of our pictures.
And a snowglobe.

But no Ring... :(

I should have stayed firm. I shouldn't have expected. I know him too well but I let my guard down. Now I got depressed and disappointed.

(^_^) ~*~me~*~ (^_^)

So so sad

Everytime I see someone or hear someone say that they will get married I feel so so so SAD...









(*_*)~*~me~*~(*_*)

the saddest thing

I think the wedding is off.

WHY?

Because we don't have any money to pursue it.
we don't have any money to have even a simple wedding.

(^_^)~*~me~*~(^_^)

Fever / Lurker

Okay okay. I have a new story to tell.

I have this long long long time crush. How long? I'm talking about 4th grade long and I'm 24 now so do the math. One time, years ago, he added me on Friendster. Oh he is soooooo FINE... I can't stop looking at his profile and pictures. Then eventually I stopped lurking. Then a month ago he added me on Facebook as well. Here comes the lurking.

My issue? I keep on lurking at his pictures and thinking.

"What would it be like to kiss those lips?"

Is it that bad? My situation? I just want to see him again and talk to him but not like before. Because before I babble all the time because I'm nervous in front of him.

Oh my. I need a break on this Facebook Fever. Is it really just a Facebook Fever or is it something worse?

(^_^)~*~me~*~(^_^)

desperate

I just heard myself talk and I sounded so "desperate"...

I didn't even see it coming. I thought everything is good. I keep on planning for our future and I haven't even notice that "he" haven't said anything at all. Meaning what?

He doesn't want to have a future with me?

I am such a dummy I'm so ashamed of myself, I was the one who proposed, I was the one who's looking for a house, I was the one who keeps registering for wedding expo, I was the one who decided to have a civil wedding this year.

I'm so stupid
Pathetic
Dumb
DESPERATE

I'm so sorry for this. I'm so sorry for that. I'm so sorry for being so desperate. I'm sorry.

(^_^)~*~me~*~(^_^)

Valentine's

Valentine's is near

I only wish for one simple gift

a Dozen Red Roses

nothing more...

I WISH I WISH I WISH!!!!!

(^_^)~*~me~*~(^_^)

so and so

i thought everything might change a little this year

i thought wrong

nothing will ever gonna change

i'm the only one who will change in this family


A NEW YEAR BUT NOT "A NEW YOU"

(^_^)~*~me~*~(^_^)

Because of Just one weekend

I'm having issues with Luke's dad and brother again (well most of it is on his dad), and it's hurting Luke. I'm not doing anything wrong, I'm just thinking of Luke. Here's the situation: Luke stays with me during the weekdays because my house is closer to his office. Now sometimes I plan a trip for us and it always fall on weekends because that's the only time we have a time off. Now he's dad and brother is upset because they just want to be with Luke and I understand that. The only thing I don't understand is they are upset not because of that but also because Luke is the only one helping his dad every weekend in cleaning everything in their house, his brother is upset because he's the one doing the chores instead of Luke. Now I'm upset because that's their intention. I told Luke that maybe he should stay with his family for now just until every one cooled off. Then he could stay with me during the weekends. He doesn't want to because he might not be able to leave during the weekend and that would be another issue.

I don't know what to do anymore.

I want to help but I can't It's all up to Luke now.

I'm just here whenever, whatever.

(^_^)~*~me~*~(^_^)

2 Christmases Left For Me

I just realized

that I only have
2 more Christmases left
to celebrate
with my family as a
single lady.

(^_^)~*~me~*~(^_^)

IELTS Results

So he passed his Exams

Does this mean he's going away?

hmmmm.....
so sad....
I don't know how to react....

(^_^)~*~me~*~(^_^)

Just that

Just when I thought nothing could go wrong

everything will fall into

pieces.

(^_^)~*~me~*~(^_^)